What is confidence?

11th March 2017

If I were to ask 10 different people that question, I would get 10 different answers. If I asked another 10 people, I would get another 10 different answers. That is because confidence may mean something very different to different people. Most people would say that it is an important trait, however most people would struggle to pinpoint exactly what it is. Some people will often confuse confidence with other traits such as arrogance, or low self-esteem.

People often associate confidence with an attitude or a mind-set, and sometimes can seem as though you must be a jerk to be confident. The person who is so certain of their opinion, the person who speaks the loudest, or speaks first, or speaks for the longest time. However, this idea of confidence being an attitude or a mind-set is a bit off target.

Rather than being an attitude, confidence is in fact all about the actions that you take. Confidence is being able to take an action. Everyone wants to do something, try something – take an action – however, many people often will fail to do so due to a looming fear that the action is beyond reach, or a fear of failure. This fear though is completely normal, and everyone will experience it at some point, however the difference between a confident person and an 'unconfident' person, is the action chosen after this fear has kicked in. A confident person will push through and complete the action rather than allow the fears and self-doubt to take over and prevent them from even trying.

This brings us to somewhat of a ‘confidence cycle’. The more action you take, the more your confidence grows. With growing confidence, the more actions you are likely to take, which results in confidence growing further – and repeat. Each time you overcome the fear of failure, or the self-doubt of something being beyond your reach, it gets easier to do it again (because of increased confidence). Even if you take the leap and it doesn’t work out as you had planned, being able to reflect and say that something was learned, and being proud that you even tried, helps build confidence.

These actions don’t have to be major things every time, these actions can be so small that no one other than yourself would be able to see it. It might be choosing to wear a different perfume that you have never been brave enough to try, trying out a different hair style or make-up style, wearing a skirt when you would normally wear jeans, wearing sexy underwear instead of your normal boring pair. Each time you do one of these small actions, that you may have previously been too nervous to do, you push that fear behind you and as a result your confidence grows. Then the next time you repeat the same action and becomes easier, and easier.


Here is a pole dancing example many of you can probably relate to.

Your very first class. Ever. You’re wearing shorts and a baggy shirt.

A couple of weeks pass, you’re getting stronger, you’re doing more difficult moves, those shorts are getting in the way, and oh how you wish you were confident enough to wear those tiny sparkly hot pants!

You decide to wear a pair of booty shorts. Not quite as tiny as the hot pants you love, but they feel super tiny compared to what you normally wear.

You’re terrified.

Someone might notice your imperfect thighs or ass.

You’re not sure.

You pack your normal shorts in your bag just in case you chicken out.

You get to class, and bam.

You push the fears away and walk into that class in your booty shorts.

No one looked at your thighs or butt, no one thought you looked imperfect, and you realised that maybe there isn’t anything wrong with the way you looked – in fact you’re damn proud of how strong your legs and ass are!

You did it, you took the action and your confidence grows.

The next class you go to, it’s a lot easier to walk through that door in your mini booty shorts – so easy that you don’t even have to pack your other shorts as a back-up.

Your confidence grows again.

The next class – even easier again, you don’t even think about what shorts to take – booty shorts!


 Elle xo